My voice choked and my eyes welled up with tears. Papa said to me on the phone " beta, Moradabad wale mausaji aye hai" (Your uncle from Moradabad, has come).
It struck me somewhere. She had died. Yeah, she had died in the summers. But this was the first realization of her absence. My maternal aunt or so to say my dearest "Mausiji".
She had died of cancer. I was once talking to my mother on phone during the summers and when I asked about my mausiji's well being as I knew she was ill, my mother could not control herself and she bursted into tears. 2-3 days had passed by then. As always, due to the fear of emotional trauma it would cause me, my family had hiden the truth from me. My mother was devastated. As I kept the phone and assured my mother that I would be fine, I did not know how to react. I made myself cry.
I recalled how she had a talk with me in my brother's marriage, some few months back. That was the last time I saw her. No one knew by then. She was complaining to me how I never had time and I was too busy in the marriage to sit and talk to her. She never let me know that she was the one who was short of time.
I saw her photographs. It had come as a shock to all of us. Well what can I say? That was my first closest encounter with death. That was my closest encounter with the cold truths of life. All other pain and sorrows appeared small and crawling infront of this loss.
It made me realize that no one is for ever. I was afraid and cried many times just contemplating how life would turn like in the future. I could not stop myself from imagining that how would it feel to loose my mother and I hated myself for that. But fear had taken its grip on me. I feared loosing everything then.
This is a confession. It was only yesterday, when for the first time, I longed for her voice and her warm hug. Everytime my mom used to tell me "beta, mausiji ayi hui hai, hum masti kar rahe hai" (Your aunt has come and we are enjoying). But this time there was no excitement in her voice. How chirpy she used to become!!! I do not know how is she managing with such a terrible loss. They had spent the childhood together and then were seperated as both got married and went to live at different places. Due to family responsibilities and all other work they met very infrequently, mostly at family functions. I could feel the resentment in the voice of my mother, of not spending more time with her, while she was busy in her household.
Everything looked so damp and dark.
I realized how life keeps moving on and you continue loosing those you love the most. When they are alive, you never have time to listen to them or be closer to them. You are so busy that you do not even realize it. You take everyone just for granted.
But life is cruel. It makes you realize one more thing in the end, that you do not have the time to even mourn for them.
We all will keep loving you Rekha mausi and you will always remain close to our hearts.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Its your home.....
hey friends....
Happy new year to all of you. :):)
I was at my home for the winter vacations. My brother's marriage was scheduled for winters and there was a lot of rush at my place. All guests had come and we all were having a great time. After a long time we all, as in, my sister and her family, me, my brother and my parents were all together. It was truly like a festival. But the joy which was on my parents face couold not be described in words. Believe me friends, try to notice the glow on your parents face when you go home and see how heavenly it feels to see them so happy. There is nothing in this whole world which makes them more happy then having their children with them at home. But sadly, few are those parents whose even one single child lives with them. We all have to leave home for our studies or job or sometimes just because we get married. I was so young when I left home to study at a far off place. I know that this has made my career but I feel so sad when I remember those days when my parents used to pine for me and I could do nothing. But I now know how important is my presence for them and I make it a point to be at home during every festival and all through my holidays. Making them happy means so much for me that however long may be the holidays I spend them at home, with them.
But I don't understand why other students are always trying to run away from home these days. I usually find students saying that we don't want to spend time at home or we get bored, we don't feel like going to home or being there for a long time and it feels very odd staying at home etc etc. I don't want to interfere in your personal life but I would really like to share something with you guys. I live in a very small town which has no place to go and roam about or much food outlets and I have not got any friends left there anymore. Its just me and my parents as my siblings also live far away. But I never get bored at my home. Its just that I make my mind that I have to spend all my holidays here and I keep myself engaged in stuff which I like. I sometimes do very arbit things and sometimes pick up some hobbies which I have not followed for a long time. I really loved painting at my school time and this summer, after about 5 years, I started painting again and made 3 paintings and had a lot of fun. I could not believe that I could make such nice paintings. I never understand that how can anybody get bored at one's own home, a place where you were born, where you spent your childhood and where your parents live. I feel so sad from inside when they say all this and so many of them just spend all their holidays in the college itself even during the long summer vacations. Guys I am writing this post for you people. You know how it feels when your mother wakes you up in the morning and gives you a very nice breakfast, the one of your choice. As soon as you get home your father brings all the stuff to eat which you like. Your each and every wish is being fulfilled just because you were not at home or sometimes because you would be leaving soon or sometimes just because you are saying so. They will even laugh at the most stupid joke that you ever made. Believe me, they will find the dumbest of excuse to fulfill your wishes and to take care of yours. You spend the whole day doing all the stuff you like the most, eat like a king and spend your evening with your mom and dad watching tv or playing cards or just making fun of your siblings and teasing everybody around. And there are a lot more things you could do. When I am at home I am completely me. I cook, watch lots of movies, read books, try out some gardening etc. Sometimes I just fool around feeling so realaxeed.
So friends try and stay for at least one whole vacation at your home and feel that how majestic it is. Signing off for now. You all take good care of yourself.
Happy new year to all of you. :):)
I was at my home for the winter vacations. My brother's marriage was scheduled for winters and there was a lot of rush at my place. All guests had come and we all were having a great time. After a long time we all, as in, my sister and her family, me, my brother and my parents were all together. It was truly like a festival. But the joy which was on my parents face couold not be described in words. Believe me friends, try to notice the glow on your parents face when you go home and see how heavenly it feels to see them so happy. There is nothing in this whole world which makes them more happy then having their children with them at home. But sadly, few are those parents whose even one single child lives with them. We all have to leave home for our studies or job or sometimes just because we get married. I was so young when I left home to study at a far off place. I know that this has made my career but I feel so sad when I remember those days when my parents used to pine for me and I could do nothing. But I now know how important is my presence for them and I make it a point to be at home during every festival and all through my holidays. Making them happy means so much for me that however long may be the holidays I spend them at home, with them.
But I don't understand why other students are always trying to run away from home these days. I usually find students saying that we don't want to spend time at home or we get bored, we don't feel like going to home or being there for a long time and it feels very odd staying at home etc etc. I don't want to interfere in your personal life but I would really like to share something with you guys. I live in a very small town which has no place to go and roam about or much food outlets and I have not got any friends left there anymore. Its just me and my parents as my siblings also live far away. But I never get bored at my home. Its just that I make my mind that I have to spend all my holidays here and I keep myself engaged in stuff which I like. I sometimes do very arbit things and sometimes pick up some hobbies which I have not followed for a long time. I really loved painting at my school time and this summer, after about 5 years, I started painting again and made 3 paintings and had a lot of fun. I could not believe that I could make such nice paintings. I never understand that how can anybody get bored at one's own home, a place where you were born, where you spent your childhood and where your parents live. I feel so sad from inside when they say all this and so many of them just spend all their holidays in the college itself even during the long summer vacations. Guys I am writing this post for you people. You know how it feels when your mother wakes you up in the morning and gives you a very nice breakfast, the one of your choice. As soon as you get home your father brings all the stuff to eat which you like. Your each and every wish is being fulfilled just because you were not at home or sometimes because you would be leaving soon or sometimes just because you are saying so. They will even laugh at the most stupid joke that you ever made. Believe me, they will find the dumbest of excuse to fulfill your wishes and to take care of yours. You spend the whole day doing all the stuff you like the most, eat like a king and spend your evening with your mom and dad watching tv or playing cards or just making fun of your siblings and teasing everybody around. And there are a lot more things you could do. When I am at home I am completely me. I cook, watch lots of movies, read books, try out some gardening etc. Sometimes I just fool around feeling so realaxeed.
So friends try and stay for at least one whole vacation at your home and feel that how majestic it is. Signing off for now. You all take good care of yourself.
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